Ways to take coke in public…

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Line ‘em up

The most common means of demolishing some Yayo is to chalk one up in the bathroom stall.

Drawbacks: Racking up Nose Clams in toilets – or worse, in nightclubs with over-attentive bouncers – is hazardous. If you have to do it, be quick and be discrete. Pre-roll a nice crispy Benjamin to save time. We are in a public bathroom not your girlfriend’s parents house, so don’t dump the devil’s dandruff on the counter, who knows how unsanitary it is. Take you’re crispy rolled up c-note and push it into the Charlie so a nice bump enters the bill. Have your finger on one end and pull it out and insert into you’re the nose and take a big snort. Like to call this the c-note shotgun.

That’s why cocaine is illegal, it makes pussy to easy too get…

Straw bag

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Grab a straw from the bar, walk into the cubicle, wap out the sherbert and snort one straight from the bag. Quick and effective.

Fucking amateurs.

Drawbacks: It’s often too effective. If you’re not careful, half the bag will be gone in one toot and you’ll wake up with no recollection of hiring that trannie. Or strangling him.

Key bump

Insert the cleanest key you have into the bag and get a nice little bump on the tip, just the tip… If you’re sly, you don’t even need to go to the bathroom to administer a bump. pop a menu between you and the bar staff. duck behind the menu and snort hard. Sha-boom

Drawbacks: If you forget to wash your key and you used the key to start you’re 96 Camaro. Well sometime your ignition will get clogged up and you’re car will have a problem starting, I’m guilty of this.

Bullet

Keep a coke bullet on a chain around your neck. When the opportunity presents itself, inhale deeply and wait for booger sugar to bludgeon its way into your skull with those good-time feels.

Drawbacks: The average bullet doesn’t hold much toot. You’ll be lucky if it sustains your raging habit, let alone your greedy friends. Also, a bullet needs to be maintained or it gets clogged up like a females bathroom on prom night. 

Make a phone call

This one’s something of a personal triumph. I and a hooker devised an effective method for passing Nose Nachos without fumbling with the bag in a crowded pub. We would remove the battery from a spare phone, stash the bag and replace the back cover. The line, when one needed a line, was “Going to make a phone call.”

Drawbacks: You’ve still got to rack one when you reach the shitter and hooker will steal your spare phone at the end of the night.

Rock it up

Smoking coke in a pipe – either at home or in the club – is a very bad idea. Stick to power and stay classy.

Drawbacks: Drawbacks? To freebasing cocaine? You do the meth.

Be a girl

If you’re a girl, ignore this article and stick to what you know: taking your best mate into the cubicle for a line. Girls are allowed into the bathrooms in pairs. It’s just another way in which our matriarchal society oppresses the white man. A movie must watch “The Red Pill”

Drawbacks: Selfies 

Warning: If you take cocaine, you could have a heart attack and die. Or worse, run out at 6 am and your dealer isn’t answering his phone. 

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